How to say NO
Before we discuss how to say NO please understand that it is very difficult to defend yourself physically. Many suggest gadgets like pepper spray are difficult to get out and use, whistles or screaming to get attention are not always possible and many people don't bother to help. Sounds awful but this is reality. Also this please read these myths.
Myth: There is a "right way" to respond to a rape situation.
Fact: Since rape is life-threatening and each rapist has his own pattern, the best thing a victim can do is follow their instincts and observe any cues from the rapist. If the victim escapes alive they have done the right thing.
Myth: You cannot be assaulted against your will.
Fact Assailants overpower their victims with the threat of violence or with actual violence. Especially in cases of acquaintance rape or incest, an assailant often uses the victim's trust in him to isolate her.
Myth: When a woman says no, she really means maybe or yes.
Reality: Although a rapist may believe it is unclear or a mixed message, this is no excuse for rape. When a person says “no”, her partner should stop and should never assume that “no” means anything else but “no”. If someone is unclear about what the partner wants, they should ask. The onus for obtaining consent is on the person initiating sexual contact. Ignorance or pleading misunderstanding is not a legitimate legal defence for sexual assault. Instead of having to learn how to say no, rapists need to understand
Myth: A woman cannot be raped if she does not want to be.
Reality: Force or threat of force is often used by rapists to assault their victims. Rapists will often choose victims they believe they can physically overcome. This myth is used to blame the victim; it is important to remember that no matter what person does during an assault, whether they choose to physically resist or not, it is not their fault. Victims do what they have to do to get out of a very difficult experience alive. Keep in mind that many victims are killed.
"What part of the word no didn't you understand"
The word no is a simple direct statement that conveys its meaning completely. There is no need to learn how to say no, There is no reason to apologise or give a reason. There is absolutely no need to enter into a debate or to justify your answer. If the other party insists on a reason the simplest response is to ask just what part of this simple word they do not understand
We have to make sure that when we say No we mean exactly that word. It is not anything else. Some rapists think it might mean YES or MAYBE, or I'LL THINK ABOUT IT or that you might change your mind.
Change the subject depending on who you are talking to using such phrases "How about we...., or whatever suits the occasion. Remember though, it depends on your situation. It is easier to deal with someone you know than anyone else, or there may be more than one person attacking you.
Some victims have used lots of different ways to stop the rapist proceeding.
You could say they can "do what they like to you but it's only fair that I let you know that I have a disease."
Some have emptied their bowels, or vomited on them
Our experience in talking to so many victims is that most of them never ever thought that this would happen to them. We always take insurance cover when a risk is identified but very few people ever think about being sexually assaulted. No?