How to say NO and mean it

How to say NO

Before we discuss how to say NO please understand that it is very difficult to defend yourself physically. Many suggest gadgets like pepper spray are difficult to get out and use, whistles or screaming to get attention are not always possible and history has shown us that many people don't bother to help. Sounds awful but this is reality. Also this please read these myths.

Myth: There is a "right way" to respond to a rape situation.

Fact: Since rape is life-threatening and each rapist has his own pattern, the best thing a victim can do is follow their instincts and observe any cues from the rapist. By cues we mean every thing they do particularly anything unusual. They might just attack without warning, or they might start up a conversation. Try to see if you consider yourself in danger and look at what you can do. Is there any safe places nearby, or do you think yo can outrun them and so one. Like burglary, or vehicle accidents very few of us think about what we might do if we get into a dangerous situation. (pause a minute now and think)

Myth: You cannot be assaulted against your will.

Fact Assailants overpower their victims with the threat of violence or with actual violence. Especially in cases of acquaintance rape or incest, an assailant often uses the victim's trust in him to isolate her.

Myth: When a woman says no, she really means maybe or yes.

Reality: Although a rapist may believe it is unclear or a mixed message, this is no excuse for rape. When a person says “no”, her partner should stop and should never assume that “no” means anything else but “no”. If someone is unclear about what the partner wants, they should ask. The onus for obtaining consent is on the person initiating sexual contact. Ignorance or pleading misunderstanding is not a legitimate legal defence for sexual assault. Instead of having to learn how to say no, rapists need to understand

Myth: A woman cannot be raped if she does not want to be.

Reality: Force or threat of force is often used by rapists to assault their victims. Rapists will often choose victims they believe they can physically overcome. This myth is used to blame the victim; it is important to remember that no matter what person does during an assault, whether they choose to physically resist or not, it is not their fault. Victims do what they have to do to get out of a very difficult experience alive. Keep in mind that many victims are killed. Some take lessons in boxing , or martial arts but it takes years to be trained enough to defend yourself completely.

"What part of the word no didn't you understand"

The word no is a simple direct statement that conveys its meaning completely. There is no need to learn how to say no, There is  no reason to apologise or give a reason. We often do when we don't want to go to an event but we try not to offend by just saying No because we apologise and give an excuse: "Sorry! I am unable to attend because.... There is absolutely no need to enter into a debate or to justify your answer. If the other party insists on a reason the simplest response is to ask just what part of this simple word they do not understand. Of course they understand what NO means.

We have to make sure that when we say No we mean exactly that word. It is not anything else. Some rapists think it might mean YES or MAYBE, or I'LL THINK ABOUT IT or that you might change your mind.

Change the subject depending on who you are talking to using such phrases "How about we...., or  whatever suits the occasion.  Remember though, it depends on your situation. It is easier to deal with someone you know than anyone else, or there may be more than one person attacking you.

Some victims have used lots of different ways to stop the rapist proceeding.

You could say they can  "Do what you like to me but it's only fair that I let you know that I have a disease."

Some have emptied their bowels, or vomited on them

Our experience in talking to so many victims is that most of them never ever thought that this would happen to them. We always take insurance cover when a risk is identified but very few people ever think about being sexually assaulted. No?

The word NO is a word that needs to be stated firmly and clearly and in the correct language (If you are in a place that speaks a different language make sure you know basics word NO, YES, please, thank you, and have a card from your hotel or address of your place of residence, and the contact details of your emabassy

 HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF About instinct and walking on your own

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